When I met my first boyfriend at college I was young, emotionally immature and fixated on finding love. I was also drinking too much to deal with my anxiety. I developed a cycle of dating and relationships that would go something like this:
Someone new comes along I meet while out at a loud bar, party or online.
We date, I like him A LOT and I try everything to get him to like me back even though he’s massively unavailable to me.
I change my clothes, my interests and sometimes my personality to try and lock him into a relationship with me.
He’s unavailable so he ends the relationship.
I’m devastated and replay everything about the relationship back over in my head.
I wait for the sting to wear off, pump myself back up, get back on the horse and find myself at a loud bar again or back on OKCupid and the cycle would start all over again…
I was so confused. I thought I was a good looking, smart, successful, high achieving woman in her 30s so my troubles in dating and relationships baffled me.
Despite my frustrations, I was determined to fix what I thought was broken in my love life. So I took to dating guides to study and learn how to master finding a boyfriend. By age 32, I had read countless blog posts, magazine articles and books. I was also trying out all my tips and tricks on new men I’d meet.